Moses and the Red Sea

I'm sorry that I didn't follow up on my last blog sooner.  To be honest it has taken me a few days to get my emotions under control enough to write about it.

Well, my tests are back and frankly the results were not what we had hoped.  The biopsy showed malignant, metastatic osteosarcoma, or in other words, my cancer is back.  When I asked how certain they were of their results, the doctor told me that they were certain.  An MRI was done on Wednesday and found that the tumor detected a month ago has grown 2-3 mm in a one month period and they detected a second tumor, slightly smaller than the first, growing about an inch away from the first one.  The doctor here thinks that they may have grown from a remnant of the last tumor.  Our oncologist here called the doctors at Mayo and it was agreed that I should be go back to Mayo for treatment.

The good news is this.  On Tuesday we had our visit with the oncologist where we received the news about the cancer coming back.  JoLynne and I were pretty disappointed.   We have been through so much and hoped that we could close that chapter of our life and move on.  We both felt like we needed a priesthood blessing.  After thinking about so many friends we might ask,  we decided to ask a dear friend, Ross Cole, who was the Stake President when I was called to be a bishop.  He now serves in the temple presidency.  I consider him to be a close friend and he was happy to give me a blessing.  He asked if our family would join with him in fasting before the blessing was given.  I have been fasting pretty often these days.  (I think that if I fast often enough maybe the cancer will die of starvation)

So, President Cole came by our home Wednesday evening.  I have great confidence in this mans ability to hear the voice of the Lord and I trust that he wouldn't say anything that he wasn't inspired to say. My son Peter was newly ordained as an Elder last Sunday.  He now has the authority to perform priesthood blessings.  I asked him if he would anoint me.  He did a wonderful job even if it did make me cry.  Then President Cole, my sons Peter and John, and my son-in-law Mike, placed their hands on my head and pronounced a beautiful blessing.  The cancer was rebuked, I was told that my body would be healed.  These are the words I needed to hear.  Later Peter gave his mother a blessing.  It was also wonderful, and exactly the words we needed to hear for her as well.  These blessings brought us great comfort!

In talking with our doctors we have arranged to return to Mayo clinic on August 27-28th for a new workup.  All doctors involved before and probably a few more will come together to formulate a new plan of attack to defeat this cancer once and for all.  I have great confidence in them but more importantly I believe that God will intervene and that a miracle will happen to heal me.

On Friday morning early I was driving over to the park near my house to work on a large triathlon that I host every year to raise money for our charitable work.  It is a huge task and with everything else that has been going on it has been challenging this year.  I'll be honest, I was a little depressed and unhappy about how things were going.  Anyway, the thought popped in my mind about the story of Moses and the children of Israel leaving Egypt.  The Israelites had so many miracles performed allowing them to leave Egypt and then they finally arrived at the shores of the Red Sea.  Suddenly the armies of Pharaoh showed up and had them trapped with the sea behind them.  At this point they begin to doubt saying thing like "Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness."  Then Moses tells them "Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will show to you to  day...The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace".  I have wondered sometimes about how the Israelites could doubt after so many miracles.  I think I won't judge them so harshly anymore.  Then, of course, the Red Sea was opened, the Israelites escaped and the armies of Pharaoh were destroyed.

Way back at the start of this whole adventure the first words that popped into my mind were these "Be still my son and know that I am God".  I am grateful to remember those words.  Miracles have happened, I believe that more miracles will yet happen.

About a month ago one of my patients told me, "You are doing so good we don't even pray for you anymore."  It was nice to think that I no longer needed to be in so many peoples prayers.  Unfortunately, it looks like I have a few more hurdles to cross.  Once again, I am very grateful for your prayers and faith in my behalf.  I will try to keep you posted as new things develop.

Fortunate fortune cookie

We just returned last night from our trip back to Mayo clinic.  It was a good trip but fast.  This was a three month follow up visit with the surgeons and, of course, a chance for us to visit with our oncologist there and discuss my chemotherapy.

The visits with the surgeons were great.  They are thrilled with how I am healing.  They were very happy with the way that my leg bone has fused to the jaw bone.  They were thrilled to see the nerves of my face beginning to turn on again and they were relieved to see the wound on my leg beginning to come under control.  We talked to the main surgeon, Dr. Moore, about what he thought about the question as to whether or not we should continue chemotherapy.  He didn't really give us an answer but he did tell us that he was certain that he had clear margins all around the tumor.  He was certain that no tumor stayed behind in the surgery site.  I mentioned to him that my hearing seemed somewhat altered since starting chemotherapy so he ordered a hearing test.  It just so happened that I had another hearing test done just prior to the beginning of chemotherapy so that was useful for comparison.  The new test showed significant hearing loss in the upper ranges in both ears.  I had some loss from before associated with my profession and the sound of dental drills but the loss in the last 12 weeks is much greater.  The doctors informed me that this is one of the possible side effects of the chemotherapy I was given.  One doctor said that once gone, it would always be gone, the other doctor thought I might get some of it back.  The other day I noticed that I can't hear birds sing anymore.  That's kind of sad.

Our visit with the oncologist over chemotherapy was a bit less definite.  We had faxed all of my medical records to him last week.  He must have spent some serious time since we sent nearly 200 pages of records and he seemed familiar with all of them.  He shared the concerns of our oncologist in Provo.   I think it was obvious to both of them that if I were to continue on the regimen that I am on now it would probably take my life before I finished six rounds.  He said, "My heart tells me that you should stop chemo now but my brain thinks perhaps we could design a different regimen based on other drugs that you might tolerate better."  Apparently there is a regimen used in Europe that might have less side effects than the one I am on.  We talked about that for a bit.  He freely admitted that nobody knows for sure what to expect from my cancer since it has never really been studied.  They really don't know the chances of it coming back and they don't even know if chemo is effective against it or not.  They also don't know if there is even cancer in my body anymore.  What they do know is that if I start chemo again it will set back the healing of the wound in my leg and possibly allow another infection to develop.  This was a main concern for him.  He felt that another infection in my leg could be fatal.  When it was all said and done he said that the decision would have to be ours.  He told us he would consult with the other sarcoma specialists and with our doctor in Provo.

Today we went to visit with our local oncologist again, Brian Tudor.  We have come to have a lot of respect for him both as a doctor and just as a caring man.  We went through all the scenarios with him again.  He mentioned that my response to three rounds of chemo was more that what he expected out of six rounds on most people.  In his words "If three rounds beat you up that badly, I kind of think, if there is cancer in your body, it would have been equally brutal on your cancer."  Needless to say, he is inclined to have us quit chemotherapy at this point as well but he encouraged us to pray about it and find our answers with help from above.

So, here we sit, with some big decisions to make.  We don't want the cancer to come back but we don't want the risks of additional chemotherapy either.  We plan on going to the temple tomorrow and consult with the Lord.  He has been so good to us up to this point.  We hope and pray we can receive answers again this time.

Today a dear friend came by.  She said that just prior to my surgery she went to open a fortune cookie.  She was astounded to read the following:

It seems that God is writing messages in park benches, in fortune cookies and elsewhere as well.  We continue to feel His love and concern for us.