Friday, December 5, 2014

Cast off the anchor ropes, raise the sails!

Monday was my last chemotherapy ever I hope.  Only time will tell but I can hope.  I have been bald so many times now I have almost forgotten what I look like with hair.

As is often the case, the full impact of the chemo doesn't hit you until a few days later.  So, yesterday was a hard day physically.  I just felt run down from the moment I got up.  Everything hurt more and my wounds just wouldn't dry up.  When I have a hard day physically it makes it hard to have a good day emotionally.  They go hand in hand whether I like it or not.  I came home at lunch just dragging.  Sweet JoLynne got home shortly after I did.  I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I had been at home crying, but oh well.  JoLynne is amazing.  She never scolds me, just puts her arms around me and tells me "it's going to be alright, it's okay to get discouraged"  I don't pretend to understand why things are the way that they are but when JoLynne puts her arms around me I can physically and emotionally feel the stress flow out of me.  She has something magical about her.  I am so grateful!  The problems feel the same size but somehow I feel bigger with her there by my side

Ah, picc lines, so much

Today I feel much better.  I just woke up feeling better.  They took out my picc lines today.  After four months I was more than ready to be done with them.  It so so strange to have them pulled.  It doesn't hurt but the lines are pretty long.  They kind of just "reel" them out of your vein.

My treatment date in Houston has been moved up to December 29th.  The researchers called and said that my T-cells grew very nicely and are all done.  They have 12 batches of genetically modified T-cells sitting in the freezers, waiting to be injected back into me.  All that is lacking is the FDA to come and sign off on the batches and a free hospital bed.

May God's wind lead us safely there. 
With my picc line removal and the treatment date moved up I feel like a ship casting off.  "Cast off the anchor ropes and raise the sails"  There is something reassuring about being tied to an anchor rope but the reality is you never get to your destination until you lift the anchor.  Raising the sails has risk but the time comes for taking risks if you want to get anywhere.  I'm ready!


  1. Thank you for the post! It gives my prayers more meaning. Hang in there, friend!

    1. Thank you for your prayers. Yesterday, when I wasn't feeling well, I was having some pretty tearful talks with God. I'm not above begging and yesterday I was begging for a miracle as I drove home. I had the distinct impression that it is okay to plead (or beg) God for something that you really want that is a righteous desire of your heart. He will grant according to his will but it's okay to beg.

  2. I'm ready for this cancer to be kicked to the curb. I love you so much Eric. I wish I could do more than just pray for you. I'm so grateful to Jolynne for being such a good person for you to hold on to. Bless all you Vogels!

  3. Thank you for your examples of faith, strength and how to be a great husband and wife. You are both so sweet and I look up to you. Praying for you and thinking of you often

  4. I'm also praying for a miracle. I know Heavenly Father is listening and I hope he hears my begging as well. This is such an incredible process you will be headed into and I have so much faith in the technology, doctors, YOU, and above all - God. Love to you all!