My independence day

Today people across the United States are celebrating independence day, recognizing this country gaining their independence from Great Britain.  In addition to that, today is my own celebration of independence,   Today marks one year free from cancer!

On July 2nd 2013 I finished my last SBRT treatment at Mayo and we returned home on the third of July.  That memory stands so clearly in my mind.

A year and 2 weeks ago my cancer had returned.  I had three tumors, about 4 cm each, growing right next to vital anatomical structures.  After looking at my images my surgeon at Mayo told us that I was "inoperable" and that there was no hope for recovery.  I asked him if he had other patients as serious as me and what they had done.  He told me that he had others as bad off as me and that they had tried all sorts of things including holistic and conventional therapies and that he had never seen anyone at this point survive.  He is a world class surgeon, these were terrible words to hear.  JoLynne and I took a long sad walk by the river there in Rochester.  It was overcast with a slow rain.  That was a very hard day!  Despite  his words we thought that perhaps God still had a plan for me that included my recovery.  Even driving to the airport in Minnesota after that unpleasant visit I remember telling JoLynne, "I just think that there is something more that we haven't heard yet"

I remember at Church a day or so later.  A dear friend of mine, my former Stake President, came up and asked to know what was going on.  I told him what we had been told.  He listened patiently and when I finished he said "That's perfect".  I was so startled at his response and asked him how he could possibly feel that way.  This was his response "It's perfect because men have done all that they can to cure you, now when you are healed you will give the credit to God."  My friend is an wonderful, unusual person.

Well a day or two passed and we had another call from Mayo, this time from Dr. Foote, inviting us to return and attempt a cure using SBRT.  He told me that at that point they had 9 months of data using this treatment against osteosarcoma and so far the results were promising.  We chose to return and undergo the treatment.  Today marks one year since that treatment completed.  Every three months since that time I have had PET/CT scans carefully looking for cancer and so far I am free, NO CANCER!

It has been a hard year in many ways, the pain from radiation burns has been challenging.  I spent at least 9 months of the last year using dental anesthetic to control the pain.  I have had set backs and challenges but here I am.  As of now, my pain is very manageable, I am able to work full time, my energy is good.  I even ran four miles the other day.  My legs were sore and I laughed all day whenever I felt my sore legs.  There was a time when four miles wasn't even a warm up run for me.  At the same time, I am so grateful that I can run.  I even order new running shoes the other day off of eBay.  (They don't sell my favorite shoes in the store anymore).

True to my friends words, I was healed and I gladly give the credit to God.  I live a life redeemed.  My life was at the edge and God chose to pull me back and to allow me to remain.  How does one live a life redeemed?  I think about that every single day.  Every morning I ask God to lead me to someone whose life I can bless, whose burdens I can lighten.  I want to show God my appreciation through the way that I live my life.  I can honestly say that nearly every day that prayer is answered and that makes me happy.

As that anniversary approached I sent my dear friend, Dr. Foote, an email expressing my feelings.  His response back was very sweet, perhaps I will share that.

Dear Dr. Foote,
I send you my warmest greetings from Utah.  I am approaching a one year anniversary of being cancer free.  This is a major milestone for me.  I feel that my Life was spared by my Heavenly Father but I see your hand as well.  Thank you for your role in this miracle.
I am not sure if  you are aware that near the end of June, last year,  when my cancer had returned, we went out to meet with Dr. Moore again to see what could be done.  He was not optimistic.  In his words, "If I operate on you again there would be nothing left of you.  You would have no life at all."  "Don't spend any more on medicine, go on a cruise or something".  When I asked him if he had other patients who were in as dire circumstances as I was and he said he had several.  I asked him if any had survived and he told me "No".  That was a somber week for JoLynne and I.  My former stake president and a dear friend sought me out on Sunday wanting to know what was going on.  I explained what we had been told by Dr. Moore.  My former stake president is an amazing man.  He listened attentively and when I had finished he said "That is just perfect!"  I couldn't understand why he would say that.  Then he said "Men have done all that they can, now God can save your life and you will give the credit to Him"  How I love that prophetic man.
As I celebrate a sweet one year anniversary I want you to know that I do give the credit to God and I thank you for being his hands in my miracle.
Sincerely,
Eric Vogel
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Bro. Vogel,
Thanks for sharing this with me.  It really means a lot to me.  I would like to believe that my thoughts were inspired and directed by the Holy Ghost as I pondered and prayed about how we might be able to help you.  The glory and honor certainly belong to our Father in Heaven.  It is humbling to be a tool or a servant through which He accomplishes His purposes.
I am grateful that our Father brought us together for a brief season during our sojourn on earth!
God bless you!
Rob

Well, for those of you in the United States I hope that you enjoy your celebration of independence day.  For all of us, irregardless of where we live, we can each live a life redeemed.  In my case my physical life was spared but for all of us, our lives have been redeemed spiritually through the atonement of Jesus Christ.  If we accept him as our Savior we will be spiritually saved.  This is far more profound than being physically saved.  The consequences will stretch thoughout the eternities.  How will one live a life redeemed?  That is a question worth asking.

TEARS OF GRATITUDE

Is it just me or has this been a really long week?…

As mentioned before, Monday I had my scans, Wednesday we received the report from Utah Valley radiologists stating their belief that I had metastatic cancer in my skull and soft tissue.  We sent off images to Mayo and waited and waited.  Finally I went to Utah Valley to see if they had really sent the images.  They said that they had but they were sent via normal mail so, not expected in Minnesota before Monday.  So we waited, and worried and waited and worried.

Inside my head is this battle.  A battle with faith and trust on one side and fear and despair on the other side.  I'm trying to imagine what would be left of me if they operated on me and removed the base of my skull.  I'm wondering if I have enough strength left in me to go through something like that.  I'm wondering if JoLynne will be able to survive on what we have saved up.  I'm trying to figure out if it is worth moving to some other part of the world and trust my life to some experimental drug study that has not yet saved anyone.  

And yet on the other hand I hear my son Peter write in his later home, "Last time, before you told me, I just felt like something horrible was going on. This time I just feel kind of peaceful! It will all be alright, but we have to do our part! God will work another miracle for you if we have the faith and do all that we can!"  And I think of the many blessings that I have been given.  I think of JoLynne going to the temple and receiving the assurance of "by grace you will be saved after all that you can do"

So I fight back and forth, an emotional roller coaster.  By Wednesday we still had no word.  My dear friend Deb, who comes to my office has been so sweet.  She helps us with our supplies at my office.  She is a cancer survivor.  She stopped to see how I was doing.  By then I was exhausted from all of the emotions.  I told her "I've simply decided that I can't worry my head off over this any more or I won't have a head anymore.  That would solve the cancer thing though."

Late Wednesday I had a text from Dr. Foote, our dear friend and radiation oncologist at Mayo stating that he had just gotten the images and was sending them in to be read.  He was leaving for San Diego but promised that he would tell me as soon as he knew something.

At 1:45 am I got up and thought "who knows maybe he sent something."  Sure enough, there was an email from Dr. Foote.  Basically his email states that the radiologist can't see anything suggesting recurrent cancer and he  suggested another scan in 3 months.  He then forwarded the report from the radiologist.  It was completely different from what was said by the radiologists here.  So I sat on the couch crying tears of gratitude.  By God's grace my life has been spared again.  I thought about waking JoLynne but decided that then she would just sit up all night crying too.  So I waited until 6:00 am to tell her. Then we had a good cry together.

I had a hard time falling asleep after my 1:45 email.  When I finally did fall asleep I dreamt that JoLynne had told me "Eric, if you are going to stick around then we are going to have fresh strawberries every day."  She had me rip up our kitchen floor and plant strawberries all over in the kitchen.  I know, weird dream.

Well, back at the start of this whole thing we had a blessing stating that I would live to see grandchildren and great grandchildren.  So, now I'm thinking about a porch with rockers.  Got to have somewhere to sit while we are watching all the kids playing on the lawn.

By the way, thank you of for all the prayers on my behalf.  I believe in the power of prayers!  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stress and Relief

Well this last week I had a new PET/CT scan done.  Initially the next scan was supposed to be December 10th but I had noticed some swelling around the corner of my jaw and some tenderness.  I contacted my doctors and they thought it was worth it to move the scan date up.  So, the scan was taken  on Thursday.  Initially I was told that the results would be back the next day.  We were leaving for Cancun on Saturday with friends.  I couldn't decide if I wanted to know or not before our trip.  Finally on Friday I thought, "Just look your enemy in the eyes".  So, I went to the hospital and requested the results.  It turns out that they only read these complicated scans once a week on Wednesdays so there were no results.  Since I was there I had the images sent to Mayo to be read along with the read that we will have done here in Utah.

I think if you haven't had cancer it is hard to explain what it is like to wait for the results of a scan.  To be frank, most of my exams have come back with new cancer detected so I am understandably apprehensive of scans.  It's hard not to let ideas creep into your head.  I try to push them out but they keep pushing back in.  The "What if.." thoughts are agonizing.

We left for Cancun Saturday.  It was beautiful, of course, but still those thoughts hung over me, like a dark cloud.  Our second day there JoLynne and I spent floating down a jungle river in tubes and snorkeling in a crystal clear bay.  It was so relaxing that I found the dark thoughts dissipating.  They were still nagging at the edges but not on center stage anymore.   The rest of the vacation was just wonderful.  Friday, we returned home from swimming in some of the local cenotes, (water holes all across Yucatan).  When we got to our hotel I checked my email and there was a note from Dr. Foote at Mayo.

Opening it was like standing in front of a firing squad.  Gratefully the news was good.  Dr. Foote had the radiologist at Mayo read the images and they felt like I was cancer free.  One area was of slight concern so they want another scan in two months but the evidence pointed away from new cancer.  JoLynne and I just stood there and hugged each other and cried.  We are so grateful!  The firing squad had blanks in the guns this time.  YEAH!

A nice ending to a trip to Paradise.  Thank you for your prayers and support.