Full circle

Today is Thursday, I am out of the hospital and my second surgery is done.  Thank heavens!  As promised, the gravity of this surgery was much less than the first and I am grateful for that.  They went up through my nose and cut a hole through my sinus and retrieved as much of the tumor as they were able.  They then made an incision under my upper lip and accessed the sinus from there and removed the rest.  I am a little swollen and with all those holes in my sinuses things aren't draining quite right yet.  In the process of getting out the tumor they destroyed my maxillary nerve so I am really numb on the upper right including my palate.  Like dental anesthesia times 10.  I kind of doubt that will come back.  To be honest, I know it needs to be done, but I'm getting kind of tired of being "whittled" on.  Each time there is a little less of me after.  I guess I will have better empathy for my patients when they are numb now.

It was quite strange, while preparing for surgery they took me to the exact same bay as last year to await my turn.  After the surgery I was assigned to the same hospital room as last year for recovery.  Wow, that brought back memories.  It seems I have come full circle.  As always, the nurses and everyone else was great.  They are so professional and careful at Mayo.

Bad Boy tattoo 

I'm feeling pretty rebellious these days.  My bald head makes me look like a "bad guy" and after the surgeon signed my neck it looked like I had some low budget tattoo.  Then they told me that they used cocaine to numb my nose during surgery.  Really it is a slippery slope.

Today I am hoping to hear back about the pathology of the tumor they removed.  We are also meeting with radiation oncology this morning.  The nature of the remaining tumor may influence how they go about the radiation.  I don't think that I mentioned but we have decided to have our radiation done in Utah.  We have a doctor there who is willing to work with the radiation oncologist here to design a treatment plan.  It was a matter of deep thought but being in Utah will allow me to be close to my family, to continue to work and teach and of course the cost will be radically less if we do it in Utah.  After praying about it and going to the temple we feel okay about that decision.  Dr. Foote here is wiling to oversee the procedure remotely and that made us feel better.  We meet with him today.

The most beautiful place in the world

I am home from the hospital.  Yeah!  The last two weeks have been strange.  Ever since I began my last round of chemotherapy two weeks ago my health went into a a steady decline.  As I try to remember the events these last two weeks it all seems fuzzy like a dream.  Eventually I ended up in the hospital with a serious condition called "Tiphlitus".  It pushed me closer to the veil than I wanted.  I shouldn't complain.  It is those times when I am pushed to the very edge that I have had the most sweet spiritual experiences in my life, and I am grateful for those.  However, as a general rule,  I would like to live my life just a little further from that edge.  Thanks to the prayers and faith of family and friends, the skills of doctors and nurses and the intervention of God, my body has begun to mend.  I have a ways to go still but yesterday they felt I was well enough to finish my healing at home and I was discharged.

Santa Claus or Eric...hmm

One of the effects of tiphlitus is extensive abdominal swelling.  I have been blessed in my life to never really struggle too much with my weight.  I really take no credit, just the hand I was dealt.  What a strange experience to be transformed nearly overnight from a size 34 waist to a size 44 waist!  And to go from 175 pounds to 215 pounds.  Very weird!  Maybe I'm turning into Santa Claus?  It has gone down quite a bit now but I still wonder who I am seeing in the mirror.  It's like looking at myself in a funhouse mirror.

View from my hospital room

While in the hospital at least I was blessed to have a room with a beautiful view.  That was nice.  However I think that I prefer my current window view even though somewhat less spectacular.

A view I prefer

Years ago, when I was in dental school,  I had a patient who had traveled nearly everywhere in the world with his job.  I was very untraveled at the time and so I asked him one day, "What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in all your travels?"  He thought for a moment and then said, "The most beautiful thing I have ever seen is what I see at the end of a long trip when I walk through my front door".  I have never forgotten that and that is how I felt when I walked through our door yesterday.

An update

As many of you already know and to update those of you who do not, Eric was admitted to the hospital this last weekend with a serious bowel infection following his last round of chemotherapy.  His bowels were highly inflamed and he is on high dose antibiotics as the doctors try to get the swelling down before his bowels become necrotic and die.  


We held a family fast for him Sunday and he seems to be improving.  His white blood cell counts came up from 0 to 4.1 (normal is 4.5) which is the most critical part of overcoming this problem.  His blood pressures are back up into normal ranges and the inflammation is starting to go down. 

We are so grateful to all of you who fasted and prayed with us on Sunday as we definitely felt the strength that comes from your faith.  

He will remain in the hospital for a few more days as the doctors monitor his progress. We know God is with him at this time and is aware of him.  We are confident that he will return to health soon.  

-The Vogels

The end at last!

Friday was my last day of chemotherapy.  Seven rounds and twenty one dose later I am so ready to be done.  This last regimen started out somewhat easier but each progressive round has been more difficult.  This last round has pretty well knocked me off my feet.  With a few interruptions, I have slept almost 72 hours.  I could fall asleep again now but I am so sick of sleeping!  At the completion of chemotherapy they have a bell for you to ring signifying that you have finished your treatment.  Ringing that bell caused JoLynne and I to shed a few tears.  Everyone in the room cheered and clapped.  I wish that they could be done as well.  Someday somebody is going to figure out a way to treat cancer without chemotherapy.  That will be a wonderful day.

Sometimes you just need to laugh

Hope I won't need to call him too soon

So, the other day at work a friend dropped by to visit.  We served together in Bolivia as missionaries.  Honestly, I haven't seen him for nearly 30 years.  I'm not very good at keeping track of people.  At the time I was busy with patients so the receptionist didn't even tell me that he had come.  He did leave his business card which the receptionist gave to me at the end of the day.  I looked at the front side and saw his name then I flipped over the card and began to laugh.  I'm sure he didn't know the challenges that I am facing but it did make me laugh.  As a matter of fact, I chuckled about it on and off most of the day.

I am doing well.  Lately mostly I have just been tired.  I think I have brought tired to a whole new level for me.  The other night I was getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth, flossing and all that.  I was really tired so I laid down on the bed to finish flossing.  The next thing I knew I woke up with floss dangling from my mouth.  I had fallen asleep while flossing.  I think that may have been a first.

I know,  I need a new toothbrush

I think we can see the "light at the end of the tunnel".  This coming Wednesday I will begin my last round of chemotherapy.  I don't look forward to being sick again but at least this is the last journey down this dark road.  Thank Heavens!  In three weeks we will have another MRI taken and hopefully the tumor will show additional reduction in size.  They are going to give me a little time to recover from the chemo then off to surgery.  Right now I am scheduled for a surgery consult on December 10th and surgery either December 11th or 13th.  Unless something changes it will be a same day surgery.  It will be done at Mayo as a laproscopic surgery.  One tumor will come out through my nose and the second one through my mouth.  A few days after surgery JoLynne and I are going to meet our children in Florida and go on a Disney cruise.  We have never been a on a cruise before.  This will be the first.  All of our children are in the area and we decided to "splurge".  It will be good to be together, making happy memories.  In mid January JoLynne and I will move to Minnesota for 7 weeks while I undergo radiation therapy.  Nothing like Minnesota in February.  JoLynne asked what we are going to do during all day when  I am not receiving radiation treatment.  I told her "We'll just chill out".

After the storm comes the sun.

This has been a good week.  On Thursday I went in for my scheduled MRI.  Always the plan was to do two cycles with the new type of chemo and then re-take my images and see what effect it was having on my tumors.  If the tumors were the same size or larger then we would move immediately to surgery then radiation.  If they were smaller than we would consider continuing on chemotherapy for another round or two to see how much we could shrink the tumors prior to surgery.  Radiation is still on the table as a treatment option.

I have to admit, it was with great trepidation that I went to pick up my results on Friday.  I don't know if I just didn't want to get my hopes up again.  It was hard not to imagine that I was feeling additional numbness on the right or that my taste sensation wasn't being further altered.  I had kind of convinced myself that the chemo wasn't working.  By the time I arrived at the clinic I was almost too afraid to get out of the car.  I just couldn't get my composure.  I sat there in the parking lot for a while and then finally said a prayer and told Heavenly Father "I need you, I can't do this on my own."  Only a moment passed before a sweet peace seemed to pass over me.  I seemed to hear in my mind the words "I am here"

It's hard to express what that meant to me.  Needless to say, I now had the courage to get out of the car and walk into the clinic.  I picked up the report and went back to the car where I could have some privacy to read it.  I won't bother you with the whole report but here is the good part:

A lesion, previously identified in the right pterygoid muscles that measured 2.9 x 2.1 x 2.1 cm now measures  1.9 X 1.8 X 1.9 cm.  The slightly more inferior lesion in the operative bed that previously measured 2.3 x 1.8  cm now measures 1.3 x 1.3 cm.  Both lesions enhance to a lesser degree than what was noted previously.

I read those words and then sat in the car and wept.  Finally a chemical combination that seems to be effective against my cancer.  Suffering through chemo is no fun but when you find out that it is ineffective it seems to magnify the suffering.  When they tell me that it is working it makes whatever discomfort I have experienced seem so worth it.

When I finally got all the tears out I went up to give the nurses some blood and hug everyone and tell them the good news.  Then I called Mayo to tell my doctor there what the report says.  He has been so kind to us and felt so bad when my cancer came back.  I was only able to leave a message but I'm sure he will be delighted.

We meet with the doctors on Wednesday and we will see where things go now.  In the meantime, I feel like prayers have been answered and maybe I am finally on the road back to health.

By the way, did I mention that I have a beautiful Grand-Daughter?

"The bitter and the sweet"

Well, I am into my second round of chemotherapy.  I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that things get harder as you go along. I guess I remember it being that way last time.

Last night was a hard night.  I was super tired and fell asleep around 7:00 pm.  I finally found my way to bed around 9:00.  By about 11:00 my stomach was churning like crazy.  Sweet JoLynne, in her wheelchair, was trying so hard to take care of me.  She got up and found the anti-nausea medicine and a "barf bowl"  I swallowed the medicine but promptly threw up.  We tried that a few times and then just kind of dealt with it.  By the time morning came around there was really nothing left to throw up and my stomach had started to settle.  Finally I was able to get to sleep.  I feel bad that I messed up JoLynne's night as well.  I was grateful that JoLynne had texted the Stake President the night before and excused me from meetings.  I was in no shape to be out.

In contrast to that, Shanelle and Mike brought by our granddaughter and let us babysit Saturday evening.  Little Vivian is so sweet!  It sure doesn't take any time at all to become attached to her.   I wasn't feeling the best but she didn't care, she just snuggled right up to me and fell asleep with me.  Sometimes when I am on chemo I have anxiety as well.  With that sweet little girl next to me I could just feel the anxiety leave my body.  What a blessing she is in our lives already.  I am grateful for her.