Saturday, July 28, 2012

Most wars have more than one battle

Well, this past Thursday was wonderful and not so wonderful.

The wonderful part was seeing our niece that we love married in the Bountiful temple.   She married a young man named Brandon and he seemed just perfect for her.  It was great!

The not so good part was our visit with my oncologist later in the afternoon.  Really I have felt great lately, really no cause for concern, and yet somehow there was this lingering concern that I couldn't put my finger on.  For that last two weeks I have been praying for good news from the doctors and yet I had this feeling that was hard to describe.

Anyway, we went to the oncologist and they discovered a new growth on my right side.  It is deep, near the sinus and measures about one inch by one half by one half.  They can't tell what it is from the CT scan or the MRI but it wasn't there three months ago.  The doctor told us that we need a CT guided needle biopsy to determine what the growth is.  It was a sobering visit.  I didn't really cry much until later that evening.  I guess I was kind of in shock.  I kept thinking, "Not Again!"  I felt victimized, like nothing I could do would protect me and I was completely at the mercy of the disease that I couldn't control.  I felt like putting on my shoes and running and running and trying to run away from my problems.  I wondered if I had the strength to go through all this again.

That evening I had my sons give me a blessing.  It was wonderful.  It wasn't until after that when everyone was sitting together in the living room crying that my tear glands just broke open.  I cried for quite a while after that.  Simple things like saying prayers with my daughter, I am just not ready to give this life up yet.

I sent out an email to my siblings and some friends asking for their prayers.  I don't pretend to know how everything works but I know that after that  I was able to sleep and that was a blessing.  Friday I called my doctors at Mayo.  Neither of them have seen the scans yet so they just had to rely on my rendition of the results.  The primary surgeon seemed pretty disappointed.  I think he felt so certain that he had gotten it all.  He did say that he was willing to operate again and that the surgery this time should be less traumatic.  My sarcoma doctor was much more upbeat.  When he heard that it had come back in the same site where it started he felt very confident that it could be treated.  First of all he said that it might be benign.  Part of my tumor was benign the first time.  The biopsy will tell us that.  Secondly he said that sarcomas often come back in the the site where they were removed and that a second surgery is often effective in eradicating the cancer.  He said if would be harder if it were back in my lungs but even then treatments are often effective.  He did say that I may need to go back through chemotherapy or even radiation, time will tell.  A lot hinges on the results of the biopsy.

We are supposed to leave for our family vacation today.  I asked the doctors if I should stay home and they both said "No".  A week wouldn't make any difference and I should go on vacation and not worry about it.

Since Friday I have felt much more calm.  I can be brave again, I have faith and I know God will take care of me.  He has never failed me yet.  I can even do chemo again if I have to.   I would rather not, but I am willing.  I am certainly not ready to give up at this point.

I am sorry to ask for your faith and prayers again so soon but I felt great strength from the faith of others last time and would be grateful for that help again.  Maybe I will be blessed and they will find a benign tumor.  That would be great.  However, come what may, I am going to be okay.

As I drove around on Saturday doing some errands the thought kept coming to me, "Most wars have more than one battle",   I guess this is the next battle for me to fight.  I believe that the  war will yet be won.  I have wonderful allies at my side.  Today I will just worry about this battle.


  1. To arms! We'll be right by your side Eric

    1. Thank you Kelly. I feel braver just knowing you are at my side

  2. I was so surprised to see an update in my google reader. I clicked eagerly expecting to see a photo of your newly curly hair. This is most unexpected. Even though I am so sorry to hear this, I am not worried about you at all. Your experience so far has been such a beautiful lesson in how to go through trials that I am certain you will continue to be blessed and show humility and grace. But still... Darn. We the Magleby's will start up the prayers in your behalf. Do keep us posted.

  3. You can count on us for our prayers, we love you Eric. That is comforting news from the sarcoma specialist that it should be treatable. I'm sorry you have to go through this again, hopefully it won't be as traumatic.
    -Jeremy and Sara White

  4. Paul and I have both shed tears several times this afternoon since reading your blog. I have been worried, because I knew your appt. was Thurs. and you said you would post afterwards. We had been checking your blog since Th. Yes, you are right, everything will be alright, The Saviors got your back (as David, our army son would say!). Keep being brave, try to keep things as normal as possible, and enjoy your vacation. We Love you and your family, and understand what you are all going through. P and R

  5. You are definitely in our thoughts and prayers!! And NEVER apologize to us! SOOO many people love and care about you and your family. We are all more than happy to pray for you! (As well as do anything you guys need! PLEASE let me know if there is any way we can help out) You are such a strong person, I know you will be great. We love you!

  6. I know you can do this even though it seems like bad news at the moment. My thoughts and prayers are with you now as always.

  7. If you can be brave, Uncle Eric, I can be brave. I will pray for you and keep the faith. I have so much respect & love for you and your family. You are all my favorite people in this world. Please know I'm here for you in any way. I love you.

  8. Oh, NO!!! You are in our prayers daily!! You are an amazing person and so is JoLynn - we love you guys and we'll add our faith to yours!
    Love, Kent and Nancy

  9. We will continue to pray for you, Dr. Vogel. I think about you often and know that you were put in my path to change my life in many ways. Keep the faith and we love you!

    Steve, Jessica, Scotty, and Isabel

  10. You can count us as allies along with our prayers.

  11. We love you guys! Our prayers are with you! We all must keep the faith! Your faith is so amazingly strong that we know the Savior is by your side!
    All our love,
    David and Charlene

  12. We add our prayers to the many others in your behalf. Your faith and courage are a strength and shining light to all.

    Charley and Yvonne

  13. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this battle again. I'm praying that your faith will be strengthened and that this will simply be a slight bump in your road. The clouds will dissipate and that sun will shine through quickly. =)

    Thanks for your kind and faithful example throughout your trials.

  14. It is CRUSHING to hear those words....." It's back again". I am really feeling for you Eric..... I wish I could make it better. Please know that My family and I are here for you..... Whatever you need.... Just ask. We love you so very much!
    Love Forever,