My independence day

Today people across the United States are celebrating independence day, recognizing this country gaining their independence from Great Britain.  In addition to that, today is my own celebration of independence,   Today marks one year free from cancer!

On July 2nd 2013 I finished my last SBRT treatment at Mayo and we returned home on the third of July.  That memory stands so clearly in my mind.

A year and 2 weeks ago my cancer had returned.  I had three tumors, about 4 cm each, growing right next to vital anatomical structures.  After looking at my images my surgeon at Mayo told us that I was "inoperable" and that there was no hope for recovery.  I asked him if he had other patients as serious as me and what they had done.  He told me that he had others as bad off as me and that they had tried all sorts of things including holistic and conventional therapies and that he had never seen anyone at this point survive.  He is a world class surgeon, these were terrible words to hear.  JoLynne and I took a long sad walk by the river there in Rochester.  It was overcast with a slow rain.  That was a very hard day!  Despite  his words we thought that perhaps God still had a plan for me that included my recovery.  Even driving to the airport in Minnesota after that unpleasant visit I remember telling JoLynne, "I just think that there is something more that we haven't heard yet"

I remember at Church a day or so later.  A dear friend of mine, my former Stake President, came up and asked to know what was going on.  I told him what we had been told.  He listened patiently and when I finished he said "That's perfect".  I was so startled at his response and asked him how he could possibly feel that way.  This was his response "It's perfect because men have done all that they can to cure you, now when you are healed you will give the credit to God."  My friend is an wonderful, unusual person.

Well a day or two passed and we had another call from Mayo, this time from Dr. Foote, inviting us to return and attempt a cure using SBRT.  He told me that at that point they had 9 months of data using this treatment against osteosarcoma and so far the results were promising.  We chose to return and undergo the treatment.  Today marks one year since that treatment completed.  Every three months since that time I have had PET/CT scans carefully looking for cancer and so far I am free, NO CANCER!

It has been a hard year in many ways, the pain from radiation burns has been challenging.  I spent at least 9 months of the last year using dental anesthetic to control the pain.  I have had set backs and challenges but here I am.  As of now, my pain is very manageable, I am able to work full time, my energy is good.  I even ran four miles the other day.  My legs were sore and I laughed all day whenever I felt my sore legs.  There was a time when four miles wasn't even a warm up run for me.  At the same time, I am so grateful that I can run.  I even order new running shoes the other day off of eBay.  (They don't sell my favorite shoes in the store anymore).

True to my friends words, I was healed and I gladly give the credit to God.  I live a life redeemed.  My life was at the edge and God chose to pull me back and to allow me to remain.  How does one live a life redeemed?  I think about that every single day.  Every morning I ask God to lead me to someone whose life I can bless, whose burdens I can lighten.  I want to show God my appreciation through the way that I live my life.  I can honestly say that nearly every day that prayer is answered and that makes me happy.

As that anniversary approached I sent my dear friend, Dr. Foote, an email expressing my feelings.  His response back was very sweet, perhaps I will share that.

Dear Dr. Foote,
I send you my warmest greetings from Utah.  I am approaching a one year anniversary of being cancer free.  This is a major milestone for me.  I feel that my Life was spared by my Heavenly Father but I see your hand as well.  Thank you for your role in this miracle.
I am not sure if  you are aware that near the end of June, last year,  when my cancer had returned, we went out to meet with Dr. Moore again to see what could be done.  He was not optimistic.  In his words, "If I operate on you again there would be nothing left of you.  You would have no life at all."  "Don't spend any more on medicine, go on a cruise or something".  When I asked him if he had other patients who were in as dire circumstances as I was and he said he had several.  I asked him if any had survived and he told me "No".  That was a somber week for JoLynne and I.  My former stake president and a dear friend sought me out on Sunday wanting to know what was going on.  I explained what we had been told by Dr. Moore.  My former stake president is an amazing man.  He listened attentively and when I had finished he said "That is just perfect!"  I couldn't understand why he would say that.  Then he said "Men have done all that they can, now God can save your life and you will give the credit to Him"  How I love that prophetic man.
As I celebrate a sweet one year anniversary I want you to know that I do give the credit to God and I thank you for being his hands in my miracle.
Sincerely,
Eric Vogel
===============================================================

Bro. Vogel,
Thanks for sharing this with me.  It really means a lot to me.  I would like to believe that my thoughts were inspired and directed by the Holy Ghost as I pondered and prayed about how we might be able to help you.  The glory and honor certainly belong to our Father in Heaven.  It is humbling to be a tool or a servant through which He accomplishes His purposes.
I am grateful that our Father brought us together for a brief season during our sojourn on earth!
God bless you!
Rob

Well, for those of you in the United States I hope that you enjoy your celebration of independence day.  For all of us, irregardless of where we live, we can each live a life redeemed.  In my case my physical life was spared but for all of us, our lives have been redeemed spiritually through the atonement of Jesus Christ.  If we accept him as our Savior we will be spiritually saved.  This is far more profound than being physically saved.  The consequences will stretch thoughout the eternities.  How will one live a life redeemed?  That is a question worth asking.

Slowly healing

Well, we realized this week that it had been exactly two years since since my diagnosis of cancer.  The exact date was September 21st, 2011.  Wow, that has been a long two years!

I am recovering slowly from the last radiation treatment that was rendered.  The base of my tongue received a substantial dose of radiation.  Unfortunately, the tissues heal slowly when exposed to these kinds of things.  I have been surprised at how tender that wound has been.  It makes life interesting.  For example, I can't really move my tongue side to side when eating.  It is such a small thing that you would never even think of it but it is important.  Without the ability to move the tongue from side to side you can no longer control the movement of your food.  This makes it very difficult to guide the food to your teeth for chewing.  I find that if I carefully place a piece of food in my left cheek space then I can guide it to my teeth with my cheek, chew and then swallow.  If I just put it in the middle, like normal, then my only choice is to swallow it whole.  Kind of annoying.

The pain in my mouth is pretty substantial.  I don't have a lot of choices.  I'm not willing to take narcotics so instead I pretty much live on 20% lidocaine solution that I have custom made at the pharmacy.  20% lidocaine is 10 times stronger than the stuff that we inject for dental procedures.  It also has 4% tetracaine, another anesthetic.  If I rinse with that stuff I stay numb and fairly pain free for 2 hours.  I hate to admit how much of it I am using.  Suffice it to say, I get up every two hours through the night to numb my mouth with this stuff, and I use it pretty regularly through the day as well.

I talked to Dr Foote at Mayo about the slow healing of my wound.  He said this was normal and gave me several suggestions including hyperbaric therapy.  Dr. Foote, by the way, is amazing.  He emails me on a regular basis just to check up on me and always answers promptly whenever I ask him a question.  He is probably the most attentive Dr. I have ever met.

Anyway, we went to meet the hyperbaric team this week.  It is basically a big pressurized tank.  They put you in it and raise the pressure to about the level of a 45 foot deep dive.  You have a plastic bubble over your head which gives you pure oxygen to breath while under pressure.  Apparently it hyper-saturates your blood with oxygen to the point that even wound areas that lack capillaries will begin to get oxygen.  By doing that it will let the wound heal and regrow a blood supply.  We are talking to the insurance now but hopefully I will start this treatment in the next few days.  It will require two hours a day for the treatment.  It it helps it would be well worth it.

Other than the annoyance of my mouth pain, life is great.  I am still able to work full time, I love being with my wife and children.  I love playing with my grand daughter.  Summer is slipping away into fall and the world is painting itself the most beautiful colors before it goes to sleep for winter.  I love being alive!

Provo temple at sunset.

I have been so grateful for the temple in my life.  The other night, JoLynne and I went to the temple.  I was changing my clothes in the locker room when I was simply overcome with feelings.  It's hard to describe.  I guess the best I can do would be to compare it to going to a home that is full of happy memories for you.  For me that would be my grandma's house.  Not just memories but all the love that is associated with those memories.  That is how I felt as I stood there in the temple.  Overwhelmed with feelings of love and memories that I couldn't quite piece together but so real.  When it says, "The house of the Lord" on the front of a temple, I believe it.  I have felt His presence there.  It is a feeling full of love, warmth and kindness.

Recovery

Well, it has been three weeks now since the end of treatment.  The doctors had told me to expect an increase of pain beginning about a week after treatment.  They were right.  The mouth sores were pretty spectacular.   Those began about one week post treatment.  Taste buds were gone, of course and pain with eating became pretty intense.  Basically my daily routine is to take tylenol and Ibuprophen every 6 hours and then at meal time to rinse with a viscous lidocaine solution and then a second topical anesthetic that is even stronger and then eat quick before the anesthetic wears off.  Oh, and I drink an "Ensure Plus" every meal to try and hold onto my weight.    After that I run to the sink and try to brush and floss and then spit blood for the next few minutes.  Then I rinse with anesthetic again.  Even doing all of that I lost about 18 pounds.   Frankly eating is no fun anymore.  After about two weeks my doctors here determined that I had a herpes infection on top of the mouth sores so they started me on Acyclover and that helped.  I was showing some improvement and then started getting worse again.  Another visit to the doctor revealed a sinus infection had come up.  I started some amoxicillin about two days ago and now I am seriously feeling better.  This morning I woke up and thought, "wow, I don't hardly hurt".  I haven't eaten breakfast yet but still, that is serious improvement.

My doctor from Mayo has been so nice.  He has emailed me multiple times checking on me and suggesting what I should do.  I couldn't ask for a more kind, caring doctor than Dr. Foote.  So, I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have been so tired lately too.  I'm hoping that in the next few days that begins to grow less as well.

As always, I am so grateful for the prayers and faith of others in my behalf.  Thank you!  Four weeks ago we were told that there was no hope for my survival.  Today I am just dealing with a sore mouth.  That is a big step forward in my book.  Truly a miracle.  Thank you for helping that miracle happen for us.

By the way, here is a picture of the bird back in Minnesota that kept swooping down and grabbing my hair every morning when JoLynne and I were walking.  That was really weird.  I have cut my curls off now.  You just can't walk around with your hair looking like nesting material, it's just too dangerous.

Four down, one to go!

Pretty photogenic right?

I just completed my fourth treatment.  Mostly I feel pretty good.  My jaw feels stiff and bruised, my taste buds are gone again and some sores are starting but really not too bad.  Way better than I have felt with previous treatments!  I walked four blocks home from my appointment today.  They say the effects will be worse next week but frankly, so far, this is nothing compared to what I have been through.

This is a High tech machine!

We went to a local ward for church yesterday.  People were so nice.  Everyone introducing themselves and asking about us.  I met a former student of mine who is now studying here.  Someone invited us to a fourth of July party and then said, "If you have to come back again, you are welcome to stay with our family in our basement.  We have room and you could save some money."  I had barely met these people not 5 minutes before.  Isn't the gospel an amazing phenomenon?  I wish all people were so kind to one another.  The world would be an amazing place.

Yesterday after church we drove to Wisconsin to look at the Mississippi.  There is a park bench down there that we happened upon about 18 months ago that we believe had a message from God to us.   We have looked but  have never been able to find again.  (See blog from 10/9/2011)  Anyway, this time we managed to find it.  The writing on the bench was faded but still legible.   It says;

"It's okay to have bad day's, hold on, be strong"

Still good advice 18 months later.

This blog started out as a way to keep people who were worried up to date about my treatments.  I hope that it has served that purpose well.  Like many things it has grown into something somewhat unexpected.  Unless you leave a comment I don't really know who is looking at this blog.  I can, however, see maps of where it is being looked at.  It is something that I don't fully comprehend.  Most of the views are from the United States, that isn't surprising.  What does surprise me  is the number of people who are following from countries all over the world.  From what I see I am approaching nearly 70,000 views.  Many of those viewing are from Russia, Canada,  Latvia, China, Germany, Spain, Denmark etc...  I have traveled to many of your countries providing humanitarian service as a dentist.  Perhaps some of you are following for that reason.  Perhaps some of you are people I have never met.  For whatever reason, I am happy to have you follow along.  I hope that my experiences have in some way helped you to meet your own challenges in life.  The prevailing message that I hope my blog conveys is to live with hope.  For me that hope largely comes from my faith in God and from the faith and love of others who surround me.

The shag carpet car.  

Some day it will be my time to leave this life.  I don't know when that time will be.  I plan to enjoy every day that I am allowed here and to make a difference for good in the world.  When my time comes to leave this life I will leave it with hope as well for a world even better than this one and an assurance that my separation from those I love is only temporary.  I have no doubt in my mind that such will be the case!  I don't know the challenges you each face but I hope and pray that you can find courage and peace as you face those challenges.  Look in your heart, I think you will find that you don't have to face them alone.

Okay, here is the random thing we saw on Saturday.  We made a wrong turn and came upon the most lovely car I have seen in a while.  I'm not sure why someone would do this but it is unique.  The car is completely covered in shag carpet and then has a few bones glued on to make it extra special.  The question is:  Would you wash your car or vacuum it?

One treatment down, four to go.  We met with the doctors today and went through what to expect again.  There is going to be some side effects but we knew that going in.  Their success so far with this kind of treatment has been impressive but it is so new that they talk about "9 month results for treating sarcoma".  We are just grateful to have options.  12 days ago our surgeon here at Mayo told us. "Eric, you are inoperable, enjoy what little time you have left."  That was a tough day.  Amazing what a difference 12 days can make.  The radiation oncologists basically told us that from a conventional surgery standpoint the surgeon was right.  Radiation surgery is another animal altogether.   I kept finding myself thinking, sometimes God does miracles straight out, but more often He performs them through the hands of others.  Either way, we are grateful for His miracles.

St. Paul Temple

It was surprising how painless it was.  After they bolted me to the table to be honest, I fell asleep.  After the procedure there was more tingling than pain.  They say that will get worse as I go along.  When I got home I was just dizzy and sleepy.  I think I slept about 2-3 hours this afternoon.

JoLynne and I went to the temple last night in St. Paul.  It was an wonderful session, deeply spiritual.  Cancer stinks but it does tend to pull down the barriers between the person and God.  I'm not sure I have ever received such clear answers as I have during this ordeal.

YUMM

Oh, by the way, JoLynne and I went to the world Spam museum yesterday in Austin Minnesota.  Pretty impressive!  When we drove up the attendant at the gate told us, "Go ahead and park, when you go in you will be met by your personal Spambassador".  Things like that just don't happen every day.  I can't think of the last time I ate Spam but apparently people eat it.  They have made over 7 billion cans of the stuff.  The world is such an amazing place.

Well, the saga continues....

We have had mostly good news lately.

After several calls, the oncologist at Mayo finally called us back.  In the meantime several other parties had weighed in on my case.  The radiologist at Mayo re-read my MRI and his conclusion was "One tumor with other areas impossible to differentiate"  This is more consistent with what we were told by the radiologist here who said "One tumor with other areas consistent with radiation edema"  Irregardless, these are all better reports than the surgeon who basically felt like the whole area was full of cancer.  My dear friend, an oncology scientist, called it the VOMIT phenomenon, (Victim Of Modern Imaging Technology).

Also our friend, Dr. Foote, the head of radiation oncology at Mayo, also a good friend and the Stake President in Rochester, looked at my case and felt that we should use Stereotactic Body Radiation Therapy (SBRT) to cut out the tumor.  This is sometimes called Gamma knife or Cyber Knife.  It's kind of like Star Wars stuff.  The tumor is mapped using CT scans into a computer and then robots operate on you using intense focused radiation as scalpels.  It's supposed to be super precise.  They never actually cut your skin, the SBRT can destroy tissue wherever they want without a surgical entry.  After talking to their sarcoma board at Mayo they all agreed that chemo was not a good choice at this point and that SBRT was a better choice.  As of right now we are scheduled at Mayo next Tuesday for the planning appointments and one week later for the surgery.  Recovery is supposed to be pretty good.  Not too much pain or time down.

In the meantime, we are working on backup plans just in case.  We are having our tumor analyzed genetically looking for any weakness that might be attacked.  This is being done at Harvard by a group called "FoundationOne".  This takes about 3 weeks to analyze.  We are also going to Huntsman Cancer institute on Monday to see if they have any other bright ideas.  And in addition we are making arrangements in Philadelphia at the Fox Chase cancer institute, to gather living tumor tissue prior to my surgery.  They are doing research where they implant your tumor into mice and basically give them your cancer.  They then use the mice to try out various chemotherapuetic attacks to see if any combination of chemicals might prove to be effective against the tumor.  They will take about 3 months to have results using this technique.

Mostly our good news is how we feel in our hearts.  Both JoLynne and I are at peace.  Others have told me the that they have the same impression.  They have felt that everything is going to be fine.  We called Peter on Sunday to tell him what was going on.  We had asked permission from his mission president before calling.  The mission president invited Peter to his house to make the call so that he and his wife could make sure that Peter was okay after getting the news.  After our call the mission president asked Peter if he could give him a blessing.  He placed his hands on Peter's head and quoted the scripture "Be still and know that I am God".  What are the chances that of all scriptures he could quote he would chose that one?  As I was driving to work the other day I had a profound feeling, hard to express in words, but there was a sense of awe and power.  I guess if I had to put it in words it would be "Behold, the hand of God", or "Prepare to witness a miracle".

Crazy Hair!

JoLynne and I refer to the "dark thoughts", the ones that creep into our minds and demand center stage.  Thoughts filled with fear and doubt.  Lately they haven't had much time at center stage and we are grateful.

Vivian's pool party

In the meantime, my hair is crazier than ever and Vivian invited us to a great pool party last night.  Life is good!